I think I never actually wrote about this retreat I went to last summer in Tulum, Mexico. It was an utterly fantastic experience. I think that one of the things I enjoyed the most about it was that I went on my own. I had had a very busy year in England working for an amazing theatre company for about a year which required me to travel a lot each week, so having some down time in my home country was a great way to reconnect with my roots.
I found the information about this retreat on the internet and it sounded like it was just what I needed: beach, sea, sun, yummy food, yoga and art = perfect!
About two weeks before the retreat started we were contacted by our lovely host Laura Lowery who told us that there were only two of us booked in the retreat. Things just couldn’t get any better I thought…as much as I love meeting new people, knowing about the low number attending the retreat made me happy. I can do long, intimate and friendly conversations with a small group of people but in big groups I sometimes tend to distance myself; especially if I’m at a point in life where I need space, peace and calmness.
Cool things were revealed to me in this retreat but I think having had a little bit of interaction with fear and what it means to me was really important. I knew I was scared of the sea and big spiders for example, but then being able to get into the sea and trust in mother nature or sleeping in my room knowing (because I could see it) that a big black spider was walking on the wall was challenging (in a good way) for me to experience. I also addressed deeper levels of fear like fear of failure, fear of loneliness and fear of change which is interesting because for a while last year there wasn’t much work happening (fear of failure?), I was feeling homesick (fear of loneliness) and now I’m addressing the fear of change by soon becoming a new mum!
During the retreat we were given time to let serendipity flow and on one occasion I went for a walk by the sea and an idea occurred to me. I wanted to somehow (artistically ideally) represent FEAR and how one would be able to get rid of it…
This is what happened.
I found this kind of tree, which I think looked a little scary so I thought I could use it to represent FEAR.
Then I wrote the word FEAR on the sand just in case it wasn’t clear that the tree was representing FEAR…although I think I was mainly waiting for some sort of inspiration to come at this point.
And then inspiration came!
A big wave arrived and destroyed FEAR! In one second, my artistic desire to find a way to represent how to get rid of fear was gone! As soon as I planted the tree and wrote the word FEAR, the sea came to erase it all. It was as if God was literally looking down and saying: Fear? What fear? There’s no need to fear anything? Let me get rid of it.
And He did!
Since then, whenever I feel fearful about something I try to remember this moment. The thing with fear is that you can’t think too much about it because it can paralyse you. Fear is beaten by a bold choice, a strong will to say: Fear, you are here, now F-off and let me be (obviously easier said than done…but when it’s done, it works!)
Here I’ll leave you with another pic of us. On the left is Laura, then me, then a nice a girl who came with us to this excursion of Sian Ka’an but wasn’t part of the retreat (can’t remember her name, oops) and Lucie from Canada who also came to the retreat and was very awesome too.
Lol. Look at us smiling! That’s what an overload of Vitamin D can do to you.